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Ralph Macho AKA The Minimum Order Enforcer

Height: 5'4

Weight: 240 lbs

Age: 32

Superpower:
Ralph Macho possesses super strength in order to lift the Big Order Boxes our competitors make you purchase.

Origin Story:
Ralph was an amateur weightlifter and general gym meat-head from Queens NY. When he took a job with our embroidery competition he discovered that lifting huge boxes of shirts did more for his muscles than weights in a gym ever could. Nowadays, he has lifted so many huge orders that he has super-human strength - not to mention a nasty attitude!

:: view surveilance photo ::

Eldritch Pennyworth AKA The Turtle of Slow Order Processing

Height: 5'2 (hunched)

Weight: 130 lbs

Age: 102

Superpower:
Telekinesis. The Turtle has the power to move objects with his mind, but only v e r y  s l o w l y. The Turtle now works at the competition, processing orders "when he gets to them."

Origin Story:
Eldritch Pennyworth is a former telegraph operator that now resides at Century Village in Delray Beach, FL. He first discovered his powers of telekinesis when he was a boy, and used them frequently to stack his pet turtles ten high in his room.

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Sir Edward Moneybags AKA The Price Gouger

Height: 5'7

Weight: 260 lbs

Age: 63

Superpower:
Sir Edward Moneybags carries a Golden Gouge Cane that raises the price of anything it touches. He gets hired to roam around our competitor's warehouses and fetch them more profits.

Origin Story:
Sir Edward comes from blue blood English stock based out of the Cornwall countryside. In his former career he was a treasure hunter, but that just wasn't lucrative enough so now he raises prices at our competition. Sir Edward is suspected to be involved with Hilda Hidden Charge and loves doing backstrokes in his private pond filled with golden coins.

:: view surveilance photo ::

Hilda AKA Hilda Hidden Charge

Height: 6'1

Weight: 110 lbs

Age: 49, but 'enhancements' make her appear younger

Superpower:
She possesses a magical silver sewing needle from Tzarist Russia that adds application surcharges to any logo apparel it touches. And you guessed it, the competition hired her.

Origin Story:
Hilda is a femme fatale that made her home in Soviet Russia. During communism she was a covert KGB operative that tortured people by sewing logos right onto their skin. Since she has to keep a low profile these days, she uses her special sewing needle at our competition to add hidden charges. Suspected to be involved with Sir Edward Moneybags.

:: view surveilance photo ::

Ragz AKA Ragz The Low Quality Ogre

Height: 4'2

Weight: 350 lbs

Age: Unknown

Superpower:
Ragz secretes a green ooze-like substance through his skin that frays any fabric it comes in contact with. Ragz enjoys hiding in our competitor's warehouses and messing things up, turning their inventory into low-quality garbage!

Origin Story:
Ragz was originally a handsome tailor and ballroom dancer in the Roaring 20s. When a terrible sewing accident disfigured him and turned his skin green, he began living under bridges and scaring children and cute dogs for fun. However, the fun he had doing this paled in comparison to when he destroyed clothes in closets. Pretty soon he became smart enough to live in embroidery warehouses where he had an unlimited supply of clothes to ruin. Recently, LogoUp has developed a special Anti-Ragz Shields (A.R.S.) in our warehouse - so we think the choice is clear on who to order from.